So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize