Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
