i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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