i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
well you can't waste a boner
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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