You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
