im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
