We won't sleep together?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize