so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
