the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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