i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
