Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize