I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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