just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
