so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
