can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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