She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
