So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Boobs speak an international language.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
