There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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