so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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