i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
