I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
