addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
