the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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