I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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