I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize