we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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