ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
