Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
