Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
