where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
