whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
