youre lurking in front of me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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