all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize