I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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