You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
