Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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