I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
