I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
