Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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