Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
