i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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