Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
