I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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