Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
