She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
