Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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