Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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