It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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