A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
True college students do jello shots in the library
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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