i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
