i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
