he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My ass is underappreciated
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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