My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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