when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
