i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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