Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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