I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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