your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
