My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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