between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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