he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
