You smell like a Billy Joel song
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
