After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
