Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
