a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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