Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
