Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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