It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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