watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I think i got beer on your cat.
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