I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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