her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
