Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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