He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
