I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
