Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
