You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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