How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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