i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
