im holly from the hills drunk
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
