Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
