: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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