Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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