Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she pinky promised me she was 18
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
