So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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