Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This is my gift to your gina
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
