it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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