I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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