Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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