Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
