i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
