OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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