The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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