just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
