Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
