Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
