I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
