so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I checked into jail on foursquare
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
