Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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