im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
as a side note pls kill me
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