Just mADE A PArabola og urine
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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